Crazy Fear Has Had A Hold On Me

16 Oct

I’ve been trying to write.  There are three half written updates open on my desktop.  Yes, the farm and harvest time is busier than anything I have previously experienced this life.  Yes, the processing of all this food is time consuming.  Yes, the tea biz is booming since the Autumn time arrived.  But really, the silence here is loud and finally the why is clear to me…. FEAR.

Here is the truth of it.  My family is thriving. My business is taking off. This farm livin’ is a dream come true.  Finally, after four plus years of absolute chaos and a hell of a lot of struggle, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and i don’t think it is attached to a freight train.  

I have been terrified to talk about the abundance, wonder and opportunity that is becoming routine in my world.  My worry is that if i relax, things will fall apart again.  If I speak to the great things in my world, they will turn.  So I’ve been hunkered down, guarding my treasures in disbelief.  Terrified to lose my footing.  Terrified to admit that things are good.  Meanwhile things continue to get better and better.  We have settled into a family groove that is fun, functional and harmonious.  We love living on the farm!  We are harvesting the fruits and veggies and plant medicines that we lovingly sowed in the springtime and I have been processing all of this for winter and for sale.  My tea company, Uber Herbal, has been searching our product line and customer base for the path of least resistance in providing optimum health and abundance.  The results are pouring in as the weather turns, and they land me right where i will excel, be stimulated and satisfied: specializing in seasonal, local, farm direct elixirs.  Last week we launched two brand new brews through the local butcher shop in Ashland, Oregon.  This month, all of the sudden, people discovered the Fire Cider I have been offering all season and in a three week rush, they bought it all and  began begging for more!  And the beautiful brew that launched this whole seasonal brew thang, the Sinatra’s Secret, sour cherry power elixir, is nearly sold out also. 

This fear to speak to the greatness of my life experience has been profound.  And now it is broken.  Hopefully this will make it easier for me to just get on here and share simple stuff…. canning recipes, harvest stories and other such mundane goodness.  I am grateful for this break through, that I have found the willingness to speak to the goodness in my world.  I hope it leads me to do some shouting from the rooftops….. 

Thanks for being witness to my process unfolding.  It is really nice to feel happy.  I hope you are feeling happy today!

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3 Responses to “Crazy Fear Has Had A Hold On Me”

  1. Annie Fuller October 17, 2012 at 3:32 am #

    I just found this, from facebook, I think. I am smiling and smiling. I am so happy to read about your happiness. Keep going. It’s a new life.
    LOVE, Annie

  2. mommamargi October 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm #

    Right on, Liz!! You broke on through..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫
    ♥♫•¸.•´¯`•.♥♫♡.~♥´¯`*•.¸¸♥ ♥♫•¸.•´¯`•.♥♫♡ ~♥´¯`*•.¸keep on truckin, girl!

  3. mommamargi October 17, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    PS……love, love that sunflower photo!!

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